12 Days & Counting

Thank you to answering my question.  I've heard a lot input from you guys and from friends.  Everyone has different opinions.  I've heard chose the best, chose the best fit for you, chose the location, go with your gut feeling, and lots of other things. 

We're still debating between program X and program Y for our second and third choice.  One day says program X but I change my mind to program Y.  We're just not on the same page.  We need to be on the same page. 

At dinner last night, we were on the same page.  We both decided the better program would be second, grudgingly though.  During pillow talk, Mav asked me if I would be happy at program X.  I choked back the tears and admitted that I would not be happy at program X.  I would be miserable.  I would hate it.  I hated the area when we interviewed there.

Then I told Mav what I think about every night before I fall asleep.  This may be cheesy to you, it was cheesy to Mav.  Every night before I fall asleep I imagine myself running at a barrel race.  It's not just a day-dream-kinda-thing.  I imagine that perfect run.  Where I put my feet, how I hold my reins, when I sit down low in the saddle to make a snappy turn.  I was near tears when I told Mav this.  See.  I miss riding so much.  And really, I don't think I would be happy at program X.  At least, not knowing that we will be making some money and could afford to have one of my horses. 

I told Mav that I feel like I've put my life on hold for four years.  Don't misunderstand me, please.  I love being a mom and a wife.  I chose this after all.  I told Mav that I just don't want to become on of those people who never continued to do what they loved.  I still have my passions and dreams.   

And this is why we are back at the drawing board. 

We have 12 days to make a decision. 

Program X or program Y.