And Now We Wait

Last week, everyone submitted their rank lists.  Wednesday was the final day to make any changes to the list.

Amazingly, we only changed our list once.  I made copies of our rough draft and hung it everywhere throughout the house; on the bathroom mirror, the front door, the fridge, and our closet door.  I looked at the thing constantly.  One day I looked at it and told Mav I didn't like the middle of our list.  He didn't either.  We rearranged a couple of spots.

We decided that we wanted our list done a couple of days before the list 'had' to be submitted.  Monday came and we submitted our list.  We checked it and double checked it.  As Mav submitted the list, he said "Well, we've done all we could."

When Mav said that I had two feelings.  One of peace.  Yeah, he has worked so hard the past four years and it is all we could do.  And then the other one, the feeling of my heart sinking to the bottom of my stomach.  Because, really, he could do only so much and there isn't much control in this match process.

So, now, we wait.  17 long, long days to match day.

I told Mav last night that this is the most excruciating wait of my life.  This is worse than the wait to our wedding day or waiting to my due date with Squeaks, (actually my induction day because she was a week late.)  Mav asked why.  "Why!?!  Because I don't know what exactly is going to happen.  Is it going to be a happy, wonderful, exciting day or is it going to be a day that I'm left disappointed and crying.  That's why!"

12 Days & Counting

Thank you to answering my question.  I've heard a lot input from you guys and from friends.  Everyone has different opinions.  I've heard chose the best, chose the best fit for you, chose the location, go with your gut feeling, and lots of other things. 

We're still debating between program X and program Y for our second and third choice.  One day says program X but I change my mind to program Y.  We're just not on the same page.  We need to be on the same page. 

At dinner last night, we were on the same page.  We both decided the better program would be second, grudgingly though.  During pillow talk, Mav asked me if I would be happy at program X.  I choked back the tears and admitted that I would not be happy at program X.  I would be miserable.  I would hate it.  I hated the area when we interviewed there.

Then I told Mav what I think about every night before I fall asleep.  This may be cheesy to you, it was cheesy to Mav.  Every night before I fall asleep I imagine myself running at a barrel race.  It's not just a day-dream-kinda-thing.  I imagine that perfect run.  Where I put my feet, how I hold my reins, when I sit down low in the saddle to make a snappy turn.  I was near tears when I told Mav this.  See.  I miss riding so much.  And really, I don't think I would be happy at program X.  At least, not knowing that we will be making some money and could afford to have one of my horses. 

I told Mav that I feel like I've put my life on hold for four years.  Don't misunderstand me, please.  I love being a mom and a wife.  I chose this after all.  I told Mav that I just don't want to become on of those people who never continued to do what they loved.  I still have my passions and dreams.   

And this is why we are back at the drawing board. 

We have 12 days to make a decision. 

Program X or program Y. 

Rank List

I'm sure lots of you can guess what happens in 15 days.  Any guesses?  Anyone?  

Rank lists are due.

I knew this wasn't going to be easy.  But I didn't anticipate how hard it would be either.  How do you decide when you're torn between two places?

Maybe you guys can help.  Will you listen to our dilemma?  I would really appreciate it if you did.  

Soooo...  Our first choice was easy.  A no-brainer actually.  But two and three, we keep debating on.  We go back and forth every day.  Maybe we should rank program X as two and program Y as three.  And by the way, four through eleven, we know.  It's two and three we can't decide.  This is where you come in.  

Let me tell you about program X.  Mav fell in love with it.  He loved the program.  The people are really cool.  The hospital is practically brand new.  It's not a real huge city.  Low crime rate.  Cheap price of living.  The weather is comparable to St Louis: hot, humid with more snow in the winter.  But it's further east.  Basically, it's an amazing, awesome, incredible program.  But it's further east.  

Now, program Y.  Not nearly as amazing as program X; still good though.  Mav feels like he would still get good training.  Now, this program is closer to home.  As a matter of fact, it's a day's drive.  We would have non-stop visitors.  We could go camping and snowboarding.  I could have my horses and dog.  The weather is warm.  It's cheap price of living.  Did I mention I could have my horses and dog?

Oh.  And I should mention, one of these two programs has a few DO's in each class and the director of the residency is a DO.  Does this matter?  Will it matter later on when Mav is trying to get a real job?  

See how we're struggling on this one.  Do we go with the program Mav loved or go with everything we love?  We are seriously torn.  

Here's my other question.  Does this even matter?  Really.  It's our two and three spot.  They're both high on our list.  Do we just flip a coin and say whatever?  And who knows exactly how the match really works?  What would you do?  How did you handle this?  Were you torn?  

And why, if everything is left up to a computer, do we have to wait until March 15th for match day?  Really?  It's electronic!  It should be faster than a month's wait to know where we're going.  Just saying.